If love does not know how to give and take without restrictions, it is not love, but a transaction that never fails to lay stress on a plus and a minus.
In the above quote, Emma Goldman might be referring to free sexual exchanges between lovers. One view is that at the time Goldman wrote “love” was often code for “sex.” However, the above quote uses the word “love” twice in a manner which to my mind is greater than and encircles “sex”. I think my view is supported by this other quote by Goldman from her writings in “Anarchism and Other Essays”:
Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human destiny…
Sexual aggression, passivity and obsession require a subject and an object. The most expansive and resonant love is non-dual. There is no subject or object. The dualistic giving and the receiving is an exchange within a single self. My interpretation of the quote is that it refers to a romantic and sexual love between two adult people where there is no passive-active, top-bottom, subject-object, or even gender categories. Fundamentally, non-dual love is closer to the ONE SOURCE of all existence as all mental categories are merely superficial projections. True love is a kind of ego death — a return to what I call the Unified Field of infinite potential. It is the fear of ego death that often blocks the path to spiritual unity and enlightenment.
Ego games are fun to play and can lead to knowledge. But ego games are ultimately attenuating. Sometimes ego games are lethal to one’s physical and spiritual well-being. Most of the games we play in love relations are quite toxic to true unity and real connection. Games can be loving expressions. However, there are far more ways that games are used to divide and serve egotism than love. So one must be wise.
Sexuality (e.g., sexual-preferences and sexual-orientations) is often about playing games. Some of these games are programmed genetically by evolution. They are not chosen. But love is about expanding the ego beyond dualism and games to a resonant reciprocity where the egos of the lovers achieve non-dual awareness. Sex and love are both about building community. The first step to community building is the relation between two lovers. Initially it is dualistic. Sometimes these dualistic relations are characterised by power (superiority-inferiority complexes) and sexual games, but through the development of love the relation becomes non-dual and the two lovers become ONE resonant being. The ONE resonant being love relation supersedes all other games.
Resonance is really about reciprocity. Reciprocity is important in all aspects of reliable and amplifying love. Some lovers are amplified through giving their minds and bodies to their beloveds. These lovers will be frustrated by beloveds who block their giving. This lack of reciprocity will lead to disharmony and loss of resonance. There are other lovers who enjoy receiving but are egotistic and selfish. These lovers do not feel like giving back. These lovers will deplete a partner who gives. The depletion of the giver occurs faster when the giver has little or no connection to sources for receiving that do not rely on the selfish partner. Eventually, the lack of reciprocity will lead to disharmony, energy dissipation through redirection, and loss of resonance. Both dynamics can involve sex, but can easily manifest in many other aspects of the relation between lovers and beloveds.
A fully reciprocal give-and-take dynamic must be accessible to both adult lovers in a romantic and sexual union. This resonance is necessary in order to maximise the reliability and energy potential of the relation. When full resonance is accomplished through all seven chakras:
- body
- sex
- integration
- heart
- communication
- vision, and
- mind
no earthly institution can stand in the way of two individual souls so united. This resonant relation transcends even death of the physical body, because it has moved consciousness to a realm beyond the limiting logic of this physical Universe!
Getting to that point is very difficult. Many lovers choose to play games instead of entering into an ego dissolving relation. In the end, a choice has to be made by both participants between the non-dual experience offered by a fully resonant union and egotistic selfishness.
Alexi Helligar 