Hi. This is long. I hope it is ok.
I have read through your posts and all through one of my own poems kept coming up to me.
So, I will share it here with yours…..
After the unloading, after we had dropped off the
peoples on their perspective shores, we passed
through the worlds, and on out beyond to the distant
horizons, which were not horizons at all but empty,
clear black expanse of nothing at all, save blackness
itself. Sarah has shut down.
The lights, the soft glow that has
illuminated the inside of our vessel,
and thus the dark areas around us, have shut down.
The darkness, the silence is complete.
I have moved through the vessel, from one modulus-sphere to another, wandered the great tubes of tunnel that connect the spheres to the hub, entered into the hub in total darkness, my wandering and my excursions into these darkened domes lit only by the memory and knowledge of its portals that my mind and body and cells have grown to know so well.
How long? How long have I wandered these darkened halls, this emptiness where not even Sarah breaths now, with no hint of direction nor ending to this silent voyage? Gone the pulse of life that has been my companion through these millenious ages; gone the refuge of companionship, gone the expectancy of eventually reuniting with the awaited planets. All is nothing, all is darkness, all is gone.
Where am I? I do not know. there is no way of knowing and we, I and my vessel, are enclosed in a tomb of such darkness that it has crept into the walls of my home, and my-self.
I have moved through the halls, slept in every room, every portal that is attached here. Have stood, my face, my hands, my body, pressed tight against the enclosing walls, peering off into the blackened space and found nothing but the continuing of the dark. How empty. How, strange.
My heart has gone through the torment of not knowing, what will, when will, where?
No starrs? To lighten the darkness? No pinpoints of light to speak of other worlds, other places shining through the dark of what should be sky to this uninhabited vast vast vast expanse of space and nothingness? How long?
Time elapses, time unfolds collapsing around us as we float unattached, suspended uninhibited by movement, for I no longer know if we move even at all, only a breathless extension of the darknesss that has permeated our ship, our craft, our vessel my body my soul.
How long? If forever, forever, forever,
it has been, and how long can forever extend.
In the beginning my mind could recall light and sound, light and sound which occupied my moments of panic and dismay at the lack of their reality. It is me. Only me. I know the ups and downs of this place only by the touch beneath my fingers, my hands on the walls, the stairs, the bed, the instruments that lay within these walls. I float. Long long periods of peace, silent enjoyment accompanied by periodic frights that I do not know what lies beyond, nor how long before we reach another shore. A thousand, thousands, of years is a long time, alone, dark and silence.
My heart rebels, then accepts and moves on, my mind, strives for brief flashes to reach past to a time ahead, finding none, rebels, accepts and is silent. It is silent, it is dark it is black, not even the outline of the ships walls to grace my eyes, and I know that I am with-in, and not floating with-out, only by the feel of Sarah’s floors beneath my feet.
Even this, these mercurial walls of this Craft that has been a safe home, these, mercurial-glass walls and this floor upon which my feet are planted, are as nothing. I look down, if indeed it is down, for up and down, sideways and forward and backwards, have lost any ‘semblance of meaning; the darkness that was below us, Sarah and I, has wrapped itself around my feet, my legs, what I know to be, or have always known to be my feet, my legs and body, so that no longer can I even be certain that I stand upon, or with-in, anything, and have sunk into the abyss that has become no more then, nothingness, darkness beyond darkness, complete, with-out name.
Ah the night
Ah the emptiness of flight
Of when one has asked all of the questions
Lost only in fight
And one has but to wait
Not in desperate frozen animation
Not in some corner of hidden expectation
Ah the night
All thoughts, all longings, for what? For what is there to yearn, for what this excursion if only to exist with-in this final expanse of emptiness.? For what? So Long?
To ask no more.
Ah, at last.
Thank you for sharing your poem!
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